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I was making love to this gir...

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, "Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said, "No, I hate myself now."

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

I've been writing jokes since...

I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

I tell ya, it's tough to save...

I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

You wanna have laughs? Do wha...

You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

I live in a bad neighborhood....

I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

I was a poster child... for b...

I was a poster child... for birth control!

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

When I got back into show bus...

When I got back into show business in 1961, I felt - for obvious reasons - that nothing in my life went right, and I realized that millions of people felt the same way. So when I first came back my catch phrase was "nothing goes right." Early on, that was my setup for a lot of jokes.

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

I recently had double-bypass ...

I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

My sex life is terrible; my w...

My sex life is terrible; my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

When I was kidnapped as a chi...

When I was kidnapped as a child my parents sent a letter to the hijackers me Pay 5,000 dollars or your back

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

A man in the crowd asks: Hey ...

A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

I tell ya, sex is getting har...

I tell ya, sex is getting harder all the time. Me and my wife were trying to have sex for hours last night and I finally gave up. I asked her, "what, you can't think of anybody either?"

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

I'll tell ya, I don't get no ...

I'll tell ya, I don't get no respect... The other day, I got back from a business trip. I got in a cab and said to the driver, "Hey! Take me to where the action is!" So ya know where he took me? He took me to my house!

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

I once had a problem ... so I...

I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

At Christmas time I sat on Sa...

At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

I tell ya, I know the best wa...

I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

I'm sitting on top of the wor...

I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

After I got divorced, I said ...

After I got divorced, I said to myself, I will never, ever get married again. It was in cement. I went through a really rough twenty-five years, but it happened again. I fell in love. I told her, Baby, I don't want a prenuptial agreement. This is it. Everyone told me I was nuts. Well, my new wife and I are married six years and we get along great. You can make anything work if you're both givers.

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

I knew a girl so ugly that sh...

I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger. That's when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks.

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

I got my first break and beca...

I got my first break and became a singing waiter at eighteen or nineteen. I couldn't make a living at it. I quit. Then I got married and sold aluminum siding. My wife had problems physically. It was not good.

Rodney Dangerfield 423 quotes

Добрые, щедрые, великодушные: 6 советских актеров, которые были всеобщими любимчиками

23

Советских актёров часто ставят в пример как образец духовной силы, национальной гордости и внутренней красоты. Они стали символами эпохи, носителями культуры и нравственности. Но, как известно, за кул...

Десять кинозвезд, которые отлично поют

83

Актеры — люди творческие, но кто бы мог подумать, что некоторые из них скрывают прекрасный голос. В эпоху раннего Голливуда актеров с музыкальными способностями было немало — это считалось скорее норм...

Мэрилин Монро, Ким Кардашьян и другие

115

Неузнаваемая Ким Кардашьян в объективе фотографа Маркуса Клинко, 2009 год. Памела Андерсон в самой первой съёмке для журнала «Playboy», 1990. На фото голливудская актриса Dorothy Lamour и шимпанзе Джи...

Что стало с детьми-звездами: Рэдклифф и компания спустя годы

219

Расскажем, как сложилась судьба актеров, которые начинали сниматься еще в детстве.
Остаться на вершине в Голливуде удаётся не каждому, особенно если путь начался в детстве. Одни актёры теряются из-за...

Жизнь за границей: как изменились судьбы 7 уехавших телеведущих

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Два года назад отечественное телевидение столкнулось с беспрецедентной кадровой тектоникой — целая группа ярких и узнаваемых ведущих стремительно исчезла с экранов федеральных каналов. Эти лица долгие...

Кира Найтли, Деми Мур и другие

165

Кира Найтли на страницах журнала к выходу фильма «Пиджак», 2005. Следы динозавра, раскопанные в русле реки Палакси. Техас. США. 1952г. Самая большая женщина рядом с самым маленьким мужчиной, 1922 год....