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get married with the feeling i...

get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

When buying a new house ... Bu...

When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

To get a roaster clean, send s...

To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won't have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

... if I invested in a mouthwa...

... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

One [expert] said, 'Always hav...

One [expert] said, 'Always have a baby sitter who is acquainted with your children.' If they were acquainted with my children, they wouldn't sit!

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

... if they [your children] wr...

... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

Choose a checked or striped wa...

Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

Never refer to your wedding ni...

Never refer to your wedding night as the original amateur hour.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

Mothers-in-law do not make goo...

Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

All I ever learned at my mothe...

All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

If your husband wants to lick ...

If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

Comedy is tragedy revisited or...

Comedy is tragedy revisited or hostility. It is mock hostility, of course, or it would be ugly; we would have a war.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

Absolutely nothing was happeni...

Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

Too many comics today ramble. ...

Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

I am descended from a very lon...

I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

Isn't my fur stole pitiful? Ho...

Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

Would you believe that I once ...

Would you believe that I once entered a beauty contest? I must have been out of my mind. I not only came in last, I got 361 get-well cards.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

When I go to bed at night, I'v...

When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my gown.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

Doctors say it's okay to have ...

Doctors say it's okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

Once my husband said to me, 'I...

Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.

Phyllis Diller 255 quotes

Добрые, щедрые, великодушные: 6 советских актеров, которые были всеобщими любимчиками

23

Советских актёров часто ставят в пример как образец духовной силы, национальной гордости и внутренней красоты. Они стали символами эпохи, носителями культуры и нравственности. Но, как известно, за кул...

Десять кинозвезд, которые отлично поют

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Актеры — люди творческие, но кто бы мог подумать, что некоторые из них скрывают прекрасный голос. В эпоху раннего Голливуда актеров с музыкальными способностями было немало — это считалось скорее норм...

Мэрилин Монро, Ким Кардашьян и другие

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Неузнаваемая Ким Кардашьян в объективе фотографа Маркуса Клинко, 2009 год. Памела Андерсон в самой первой съёмке для журнала «Playboy», 1990. На фото голливудская актриса Dorothy Lamour и шимпанзе Джи...

Что стало с детьми-звездами: Рэдклифф и компания спустя годы

219

Расскажем, как сложилась судьба актеров, которые начинали сниматься еще в детстве.
Остаться на вершине в Голливуде удаётся не каждому, особенно если путь начался в детстве. Одни актёры теряются из-за...

Жизнь за границей: как изменились судьбы 7 уехавших телеведущих

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Два года назад отечественное телевидение столкнулось с беспрецедентной кадровой тектоникой — целая группа ярких и узнаваемых ведущих стремительно исчезла с экранов федеральных каналов. Эти лица долгие...

Кира Найтли, Деми Мур и другие

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Кира Найтли на страницах журнала к выходу фильма «Пиджак», 2005. Следы динозавра, раскопанные в русле реки Палакси. Техас. США. 1952г. Самая большая женщина рядом с самым маленьким мужчиной, 1922 год....