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My jokes are in my head and I ...

My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe.

Emo Philips 240 quotes

My mother was like a sister to...

My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.

Emo Philips 240 quotes

Well, my brother says Hello. S...

Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.

Emo Philips 240 quotes

Whatever happened to the good ...

Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?

Emo Philips 240 quotes

When I wake up in the morning,...

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.

Emo Philips 240 quotes

England is better only because...

England is better only because I stand out there as 'unusual'.

Emo Philips 240 quotes

I asked my girlfriend, 'Will y...

I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'

Emo Philips 240 quotes

I was with this girl the other...

I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.

Emo Philips 240 quotes

I'm filthy stinking rich - wel...

I'm filthy stinking rich - well, two out of three ain't bad.

Emo Philips 240 quotes

I used to think that the brain...

I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.

Emo Philips 240 quotes

I think it's good to know more...

I think it's good to know more than the average guy. If I'm in a bar now and some pretty girl is talking to some handsome 24-year-old man, I'll say, 'Okay, who's the emperor after Caligula? What chief mistake did Marcus Aurelius make in choosing a successor?' He'll just look like an idiot. She'll just gravitate toward me, I'm thinking. It works in Detroit.

Emo Philips 240 quotes

You should get married. When I...

You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.

Emo Philips 240 quotes

The subconscious is like havin...

The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.

Emo Philips 240 quotes

If an asteroid is coming towar...

If an asteroid is coming toward you, you don't have to blow it up. You just have to slow it down long enough for our country to rotate out of the way.

Emo Philips 240 quotes

I've been at stand-up for year...

I've been at stand-up for years: after a while, you get as jaded as the proverbial gynecologist who no longer enjoys drugging and violating his patients.

Emo Philips 240 quotes

I've always kind of pushed the...

I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.

Emo Philips 240 quotes

I was walking down the street....

I was walking down the street. something caught my eye, and dragged it fifteen feet.

Emo Philips 240 quotes

The question is absurd: when y...

The question is absurd: when you ask, 'If God is both all good and all powerful, why then does He allow suffering?', what you are really asking is, 'If God is both all good and all powerful, why then can He not make me (the questioner) - who is just as much a part of a universe in which there is suffering as is any other part - be at the same time the exact same questioner, but one who is now part and parcel of a universe in which there is no suffering?' Which, reduced down, is the same thing as asking, 'Why can there

Emo Philips 240 quotes

I'm not a fatalist; even if I ...

I'm not a fatalist; even if I were, what could I do about it?

Emo Philips 240 quotes

So I'm at the wailing wall, st...

So I'm at the wailing wall, standing there like a moron, with my harpoon.

Emo Philips 240 quotes

Добрые, щедрые, великодушные: 6 советских актеров, которые были всеобщими любимчиками

23

Советских актёров часто ставят в пример как образец духовной силы, национальной гордости и внутренней красоты. Они стали символами эпохи, носителями культуры и нравственности. Но, как известно, за кул...

Десять кинозвезд, которые отлично поют

83

Актеры — люди творческие, но кто бы мог подумать, что некоторые из них скрывают прекрасный голос. В эпоху раннего Голливуда актеров с музыкальными способностями было немало — это считалось скорее норм...

Мэрилин Монро, Ким Кардашьян и другие

115

Неузнаваемая Ким Кардашьян в объективе фотографа Маркуса Клинко, 2009 год. Памела Андерсон в самой первой съёмке для журнала «Playboy», 1990. На фото голливудская актриса Dorothy Lamour и шимпанзе Джи...

Что стало с детьми-звездами: Рэдклифф и компания спустя годы

219

Расскажем, как сложилась судьба актеров, которые начинали сниматься еще в детстве.
Остаться на вершине в Голливуде удаётся не каждому, особенно если путь начался в детстве. Одни актёры теряются из-за...

Жизнь за границей: как изменились судьбы 7 уехавших телеведущих

541

Два года назад отечественное телевидение столкнулось с беспрецедентной кадровой тектоникой — целая группа ярких и узнаваемых ведущих стремительно исчезла с экранов федеральных каналов. Эти лица долгие...

Кира Найтли, Деми Мур и другие

165

Кира Найтли на страницах журнала к выходу фильма «Пиджак», 2005. Следы динозавра, раскопанные в русле реки Палакси. Техас. США. 1952г. Самая большая женщина рядом с самым маленьким мужчиной, 1922 год....