Skip to main content

You know what really keeps you...

You know what really keeps your staff on their toes? A harpoon gun.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

No touching... Cashmere is hig...

No touching... Cashmere is highly sensitive to the oil in poor people's fingers.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

You know what really shuts up ...

You know what really shuts up a bully? Learning how to build a pipe-bomb!

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

At least gays don't kill babie...

At least gays don't kill babies before their due date.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

If you snort enough blow, any ...

If you snort enough blow, any lane is a passing lane.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

It's all fun and games until s...

It's all fun and games until someone gets a boner.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

One day, I want to get rich en...

One day, I want to get rich enough so that every time I walk into a room I can release a dozen doves.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

Every year on my birthday I ge...

Every year on my birthday I get a small dash on my inner thigh where my balls currently hang. You can't tell me that's not going to be a beautiful work of art when it's finished. My grandkids are playing with my balls, they can't figure it out. They're like, 'What are these things?' I'm like, 'It's your future, read the chart.' They don't stop growing; they're like earlobes. That joke was inspired by a door that wasn't locked when I was 11.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

Big can be beautiful - just no...

Big can be beautiful - just not to me. I find you disgusting; freshmen 15 is not a life sentence.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

We owe it to our troops to let...

We owe it to our troops to let them sleep in their own beds, wake up in the morning, have a delicious breakfast, and drive to war.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

I think boxers are the greates...

I think boxers are the greatest athletes in all sports for the simple fact that they don't cry. That is mind-blowing. Have you ever been punched in the nose? Oh my gosh, it hurts so bad. They have to go back to corner, where some little man yells at them. 'Shut up, I just got punched in the face!'... If I was a boxer, do you know who I would hire as my corner man? My mom.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

High school is just like glee,...

High school is just like glee, a bunch of people dying of drug overdose.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

Being an ugly woman is like be...

Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

I don't think I could stab som...

I don't think I could stab somebody, cause I'm really bad at a Capri Sun.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

I have high-definition televis...

I have high-definition television, because I felt the lack of resolution was affecting my ability to solve cases on C.S.I.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

I hope we find a cure for ever...

I hope we find a cure for every major disease, because I'm tired of walking 5K. I'm pretty sure I don't have to sweat for cancer. I'll write a check.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

I'm all for women who get plas...

I'm all for women who get plastic surgery, because plastic surgery allows you to make your outer appearance resemble your inner appearance Ђ' fakeWe have shows like Extreme Make-Over: 'I
don't want to develop a personality, just cut my face! Stretch it and staple it. Now I'm happy, or at least I look like it.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

I have voices in my head, but ...

I have voices in my head, but they're all speaking Spanish, and I have NO idea what they're saying.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

I mean my goal is to get Micha...

I mean my goal is to get Michael Richards to do stand up at the Laugh Factory to an all black audience.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

Comedy Central wanted to do a ...

Comedy Central wanted to do a show with me, I had a couple failures under my belt with them already, but they still wanted to try something else. They came to me and said they wanted to do something that was internet focused and created original content on their site, so they could compete with the funny or dies and what not. So that was the premise, and they gave us a small amount of money, $5000, and from there it turned into the show.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

Добрые, щедрые, великодушные: 6 советских актеров, которые были всеобщими любимчиками

23

Советских актёров часто ставят в пример как образец духовной силы, национальной гордости и внутренней красоты. Они стали символами эпохи, носителями культуры и нравственности. Но, как известно, за кул...

Десять кинозвезд, которые отлично поют

83

Актеры — люди творческие, но кто бы мог подумать, что некоторые из них скрывают прекрасный голос. В эпоху раннего Голливуда актеров с музыкальными способностями было немало — это считалось скорее норм...

Мэрилин Монро, Ким Кардашьян и другие

115

Неузнаваемая Ким Кардашьян в объективе фотографа Маркуса Клинко, 2009 год. Памела Андерсон в самой первой съёмке для журнала «Playboy», 1990. На фото голливудская актриса Dorothy Lamour и шимпанзе Джи...

Что стало с детьми-звездами: Рэдклифф и компания спустя годы

219

Расскажем, как сложилась судьба актеров, которые начинали сниматься еще в детстве.
Остаться на вершине в Голливуде удаётся не каждому, особенно если путь начался в детстве. Одни актёры теряются из-за...

Жизнь за границей: как изменились судьбы 7 уехавших телеведущих

541

Два года назад отечественное телевидение столкнулось с беспрецедентной кадровой тектоникой — целая группа ярких и узнаваемых ведущих стремительно исчезла с экранов федеральных каналов. Эти лица долгие...

Кира Найтли, Деми Мур и другие

165

Кира Найтли на страницах журнала к выходу фильма «Пиджак», 2005. Следы динозавра, раскопанные в русле реки Палакси. Техас. США. 1952г. Самая большая женщина рядом с самым маленьким мужчиной, 1922 год....