Skip to main content

I don't know what fire is made...

I don't know what fire is made of - hell nobody does. All I know is that fire is awesome. I'm not a pyromaniac, but I am a pyroenthusiast.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

A white lady came running up t...

A white lady came running up to me after a show. She goes, What gives you the right to do jokes about black people like that. And I'm like, Listen lady, my best friend is Cuban. And that's close enough.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

Much like Down Syndrome, red h...

Much like Down Syndrome, red hair is a genetic mutation, and it occurs when a human has unprotected sex with a clown.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

I'm not a racist or misogynist...

I'm not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

Never trust anyone who buttons...

Never trust anyone who buttons their top button.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

Even people who don't believe ...

Even people who don't believe in science still have to believe in gravity.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

I like my women like I like my...

I like my women like I like my coffee. I don't like coffee.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

Stop saying you're not racist ...

Stop saying you're not racist because you have a friend that's black. That's like saying you're not a pedophile because you have a friend that's a kid.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

Now remember kids if anyone ev...

Now remember kids if anyone ever offers you drugs say 'Thank you' cause drugs are very expensive.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

Sure I may look adjusted, but ...

Sure I may look adjusted, but I can't function in normal society because most of you are too stupid.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

If it weren't for men, this pl...

If it weren't for men, this planet would be overrun with giant spiders.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

I don't believe space exists. ...

I don't believe space exists. You're not gonna put a camera on a roomba, stick it in the desert, and tell me it's Mars.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

My favorite thing to steal is ...

My favorite thing to steal is a kiss. You can get arrested for it but they can't force you to give it back.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

Fifty Shades Of Grey proved yo...

Fifty Shades Of Grey proved you can write about a dude choking women and shoving stuff up their butts but heaven forbid if you tell a legitimate joke about it. Sure I doubled the number of feminists who hate me, but I also doubled the number of shows I have on TV. No regrets.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

No matter how flat you make yo...

No matter how flat you make your pancakes, it still has two sides.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

Being a white boxer is like be...

Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you'll always lose because of the Mexicans.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

I'll throw a globe at you! You...

I'll throw a globe at you! You ever been hit by the world?!

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

You can accept that things are...

You can accept that things are awful and still have a sense of humor about it.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

A gynecologist is the dentist ...

A gynecologist is the dentist for the downstairs mouth.

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

Am I the only person who hopes...

Am I the only person who hopes that David Beckham has sex with Brad Pitt? I don't know who's in charge of casting in Hollywood, but make it happen before one of them is out of their prime. Can you imagine those two men together making love? If there's a man in here that's junk doesn't wiggle just a little bit at the thought of those two men together - this has nothing to do with your homophobic sexual preference. At that level it's art, you monkey. You should be honored that you share the same restroom with those Greek

Daniel Tosh 234 quotes

Добрые, щедрые, великодушные: 6 советских актеров, которые были всеобщими любимчиками

23

Советских актёров часто ставят в пример как образец духовной силы, национальной гордости и внутренней красоты. Они стали символами эпохи, носителями культуры и нравственности. Но, как известно, за кул...

Десять кинозвезд, которые отлично поют

83

Актеры — люди творческие, но кто бы мог подумать, что некоторые из них скрывают прекрасный голос. В эпоху раннего Голливуда актеров с музыкальными способностями было немало — это считалось скорее норм...

Мэрилин Монро, Ким Кардашьян и другие

115

Неузнаваемая Ким Кардашьян в объективе фотографа Маркуса Клинко, 2009 год. Памела Андерсон в самой первой съёмке для журнала «Playboy», 1990. На фото голливудская актриса Dorothy Lamour и шимпанзе Джи...

Что стало с детьми-звездами: Рэдклифф и компания спустя годы

219

Расскажем, как сложилась судьба актеров, которые начинали сниматься еще в детстве.
Остаться на вершине в Голливуде удаётся не каждому, особенно если путь начался в детстве. Одни актёры теряются из-за...

Жизнь за границей: как изменились судьбы 7 уехавших телеведущих

541

Два года назад отечественное телевидение столкнулось с беспрецедентной кадровой тектоникой — целая группа ярких и узнаваемых ведущих стремительно исчезла с экранов федеральных каналов. Эти лица долгие...

Кира Найтли, Деми Мур и другие

165

Кира Найтли на страницах журнала к выходу фильма «Пиджак», 2005. Следы динозавра, раскопанные в русле реки Палакси. Техас. США. 1952г. Самая большая женщина рядом с самым маленьким мужчиной, 1922 год....