The Illinois Enema Bandit

Frank Zappa (lead guitar, vocals)

Ray White (rhythm guitar, vocals)

Eddie Jobson (keyboards, violin, vocals)

Patrick O'Hearn (bass, vocals)

Terry Bozzio (drums, vocals)

Ruth Underwood (percussion, synthesizer)

Don Pardo (vocals)

David Samuels (vibes)

Randy Brecker (trumpet)

Mike Brecker (tenor saxophone, flute)

Lou Marini (alto saxophone, flute)

Ronnie Cuber (baritone saxophone, clarinet)

Tom Malone (trombone, trumpet, piccolo)

John Bergamo (percussion over-dub)

Ed Mann (percussion over-dub)

Louanne Neil (osmotic harp over-dub)

And now folks it's time for Don Pardo To deliver our special Illinois Enema Bandit-type announcement Take it away, Don

"This is a true story

About a famous criminal

From right around Chicago

This is the story of Michael Kenyon

A man who's serving time at this very moment

For the crime of armed robbery

It so happened, that at the time of the robbery

Michael, decided to give his female victims

A little enema

Apparently, there was no law against that

But his name lives on

Michael Kenyon

THE ILLINOIS ENEMA BANDIT!"

The Illinois Enema Bandit

I heard he's on the loose

I heard he's on the loose

Lord, the pitiful screams

Of all them college-educated women...

Boy, he'd just be tyin' 'em up

(They'd be all bound down!)

Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla

The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag

fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag

fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag

fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

The Illinois Enema Bandit

I heard it on the news

I heard it on the news

Bloomington Illinois...he has caused some alarm

Just sneakin' around there

From farm to farm

Got a rubberized bag

And a hose on his arm

Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump

That he just might wanna pump

Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump

That he just might wanna pump

Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump

That he just might wanna pump

The Illinois Enema Bandit

One day he'll have to pay

One day he'll have to pay

The police will say, "You're under arrest!"

And the judge would have him for a special guest

The D.A. will order a secret test

And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest

Then they'll put out a call for the jury folks

And the judge would say, "No poo-poo jokes!"

Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see,

Sayin' "Don't nobody have no sympathy...

HOT SOAP WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!"

And then the bandit might say, "Why is everybody looking' at me?"

WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?

WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS KINDA MISERY?

WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?

Now, one girl shout: "Let the Bandit be!"

BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY?

BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY? TELL ME NOW, WHAT'S

YOUR PLEA?

Another girl shout: "Let the fiend go free!"

ARE YOU GUILTY? BANDIT, DID YOU DO THESE DEEDS?

The Bandit say, "It must be just what they all needs..."

"It must be just what they all needs..."

"It must be just what they all needs..."

"It must be just what they all needs..."

"It must be just what they all needs..."

"It must be just what they all needs..."

etc. repeat

Wanna, wanna, wanna, wanna enema

Enema

repeat...