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I watch a lot of TV, I drink ...

I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

I usually don't have a burger...

I usually don't have a burger, a brat, and a steak but it is 4th of July. And I need the energy if I'm gonna start blowin crap up. It's what the founding fathers would want.

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

It's amazing how email has ch...

It's amazing how email has changed our lives. You ever get a handwritten letter in the mail today? 'What the? Has someone been kidnapped?'

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

In the end, the type of paren...

In the end, the type of parent you are is going to be something that you carry with you. ... Having multiple kids, it's been a gift in a way. It's keeping the priorities straighter.

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

Don't get caught up in other ...

Don't get caught up in other people's expectations. Don't take anything for granted, either.

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

Whenever you correct someone'...

Whenever you correct someone's grammar just remember that nobody likes you.

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

Have you seen the bologna tha...

Have you seen the bologna that has the olives in it? Who's that for? 'I like my bologna like a martini. With an olive.' 'I'll have the bologna sandwich - dirty.'

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

The hardest part of the day i...

The hardest part of the day is all the stuff after I open my eyes in the morning.

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

My wife always asks me why I ...

My wife always asks me why I don't make the bed. And I respond with the same reason why I don't tie my shoes after I take them off.

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

When you hear bacon cooking.....

When you hear bacon cooking....that sizzling sound isn't the fat cooking....that's applause.

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

Life is a little easier for a...

Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and they’re attractive, you think, ‘Oh, they’re nice,’ but if a stranger’s ugly, you’re like, ‘What do they want? Get away from me, weirdo.

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

It's so obvious The Weather C...

It's so obvious The Weather Channel is pro hurricane. Fair and balanced my ass.

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

Don't you think it's strange ...

Don't you think it's strange how many referees work at Footlocker?

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

Holidays are also an opportun...

Holidays are also an opportunity for kids to unlearn every good habit they've learned during the rest of the year. They don't go to school. They get to stay up past their bedtime. They get candy and presents for doing nothing. Childhood utopia.

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

Stand-up used to be much more...

Stand-up used to be much more of a form combat. Heckling was much more common [in the '90s]. And I couldn't get stage time, and so I would go out to Pip's in Sheepshead Bay.

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

I don't know about you, but w...

I don't know about you, but when they first introduced bottled water, I thought it was so funny, I was like "Bottled water! Haha, they're selling bottled water! ... I guess I'll try it. Ah, this is good, this is more watery than water. Yeah, this has got a water kick to it."

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

New York has made me so paran...

New York has made me so paranoid, too. Whenever I visit another city, I always act like I'm from there, so the cab driver doesn't rip me off. I'm always like, "Yeah, it's good to be back home. Back here where I grew up. Yeah. Here in Tokyo. ... Uh, driver, I need to go to my old stomping grounds. That would be the Holiday Inn. And the address appears to be the pound sign."

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

I love the impatience of New ...

I love the impatience of New York... You ever had somebody not ask you for directions, but demand them? You're just innocently walking down the street, you hear a horn, all of a sudden some guy's like, 'HOLLAND TUNNEL!!!' ...You know, like you were supposed to fax this guy directions. Suddenly, you're wasting HIS time.

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

You can't tell me the success...

You can't tell me the success of Kevin Bacon isn't somehow tied to his name. You're not going out to see a Kevin Hot-Dog movie.

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

I recently bought extreme chu...

I recently bought extreme chunky peanut butter. I opened it up.. .it was just peanuts. Wow that is extreme!

Jim Gaffigan 337 quotes

Добрые, щедрые, великодушные: 6 советских актеров, которые были всеобщими любимчиками

23

Советских актёров часто ставят в пример как образец духовной силы, национальной гордости и внутренней красоты. Они стали символами эпохи, носителями культуры и нравственности. Но, как известно, за кул...

Десять кинозвезд, которые отлично поют

83

Актеры — люди творческие, но кто бы мог подумать, что некоторые из них скрывают прекрасный голос. В эпоху раннего Голливуда актеров с музыкальными способностями было немало — это считалось скорее норм...

Мэрилин Монро, Ким Кардашьян и другие

115

Неузнаваемая Ким Кардашьян в объективе фотографа Маркуса Клинко, 2009 год. Памела Андерсон в самой первой съёмке для журнала «Playboy», 1990. На фото голливудская актриса Dorothy Lamour и шимпанзе Джи...

Что стало с детьми-звездами: Рэдклифф и компания спустя годы

219

Расскажем, как сложилась судьба актеров, которые начинали сниматься еще в детстве.
Остаться на вершине в Голливуде удаётся не каждому, особенно если путь начался в детстве. Одни актёры теряются из-за...

Жизнь за границей: как изменились судьбы 7 уехавших телеведущих

541

Два года назад отечественное телевидение столкнулось с беспрецедентной кадровой тектоникой — целая группа ярких и узнаваемых ведущих стремительно исчезла с экранов федеральных каналов. Эти лица долгие...

Кира Найтли, Деми Мур и другие

165

Кира Найтли на страницах журнала к выходу фильма «Пиджак», 2005. Следы динозавра, раскопанные в русле реки Палакси. Техас. США. 1952г. Самая большая женщина рядом с самым маленьким мужчиной, 1922 год....