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You know what I never get wit...

You know what I never get with the limo? The tinted windows. Is that so people don't see you? Yeah, what a better way not to have people notice you than taking a thirty foot Cadillac with a TV antenna and a uniformed driver. How discreet. Nobody cares who's in the limo. You see a limo go by, you know it's either some rich jerk or fifty prom kids with $1.75 each.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Why is McDonalds still counti...

Why is McDonalds still counting? How insecure is this company? 40 million, 80 billion million jillion killion tillion... who cares? Is anyone really impressed by that any more? Ooh, 89 billion sold? All right, I'll have one! I'm satisfied! I'd like to tell the CEO of McDonalds, "Look. We all get it, okay? You've sold a lot of hamburgers. Whatever the number is, just put up a sign, 'McDonalds: We're Doing Very Well.' We are tired of hearing about every goddamn one of them."

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

I know there are kids out the...

I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

A dog will stay stupid. That'...

A dog will stay stupid. That's why we love them so much. The entire time we know them, they're idiots. Think of your dog. Every time you come home, he thinks it's amazing. He has no idea how you accomplish this every day. You walk in the door; the joy of this experience overwhelms him. He looks at you, He's back. It's that guy, that same guy. He can't believe it. Everything is amazing to your dog. Another can of food? I don't believe it.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Everybody lies about sex. Peo...

Everybody lies about sex. People lie during sex. If it weren't for lies, there'd be no sex.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

So let me get this straight. ...

So let me get this straight. You find yourself in the kitchen. You see an ?clair in the receptacle... and you think to yourself: "What the hell, I'll just eat some trash."

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

I'll tell you one of the grea...

I'll tell you one of the great activities is skateboarding. To learn to do a skateboard trick, how many times do you gotta get something wrong til you get it right? ...And you hurt yourself, and you learn to do that trick, now you got a life lesson. Every time I see those skateboard kids, I think 'those kids'll be alright.'

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Celebrity is no different fro...

Celebrity is no different from any other energy. It's a force for good or evil. It's no different from money. It's power.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

People don't think of their o...

People don't think of their office as a workplace anymore. They think of it as a stationary store with Danish. You want to get your pastry, your envelopes, your supplies, your toilet paper, six cups of coffee, and you go home.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

A chef who doesn't wash his h...

A chef who doesn't wash his hands is like a cop who steals. It's a cry for help.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Everybody in New York City kn...

Everybody in New York City knows there's way more cars than parking spaces. You see cars driving in New York all hours of the night. Its like musical chairs except everybody sat down around 1964.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

I wonder is illiterate people...

I wonder is illiterate people know the full meaning of alphabet soup?

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Golf is the ultimate avoidanc...

Golf is the ultimate avoidance activity for the dysfunctional dad. A game so nonsensically difficult, so pointless, so irrationally time consuming, the word golf itself can only stand for ‘Get Out, Leave Family.’

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Why is it illegal to park in ...

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but okay to go the bathroom in a handicapped stall?

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

See, the thing of it is, ther...

See, the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly people out there walking around but they don't know they're ugly because nobody actually tells them.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

I mean, she's giving and cari...

I mean, she's giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others. I can't be with someone like that.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

I see TV ads about detergents...

I see TV ads about detergents that can get blood stains out of your cloths. I say if you have blood stains on your cloths you should be thinking about something other than laundry.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

To me a lawyer is basically t...

To me a lawyer is basically the person that knows the rules of the country. We're all throwing the dice, playing the game, moving our pieces around the board, but if there's a problem, the lawyer is the only person that has actually read the inside of the top of the box.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Have you ever noticed how the...

Have you ever noticed how they keep improving your laundry detergent, but they still can't get those blue flakes out? Why do we trust them to get our clothes clean? These guys can't even get the DETERGENT white!

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

I feel like humor is the answ...

I feel like humor is the answer to everything. If you have a little bit of humor in the shaker and you can sprinkle that on, that's your answer.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Добрые, щедрые, великодушные: 6 советских актеров, которые были всеобщими любимчиками

23

Советских актёров часто ставят в пример как образец духовной силы, национальной гордости и внутренней красоты. Они стали символами эпохи, носителями культуры и нравственности. Но, как известно, за кул...

Десять кинозвезд, которые отлично поют

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Актеры — люди творческие, но кто бы мог подумать, что некоторые из них скрывают прекрасный голос. В эпоху раннего Голливуда актеров с музыкальными способностями было немало — это считалось скорее норм...

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Неузнаваемая Ким Кардашьян в объективе фотографа Маркуса Клинко, 2009 год. Памела Андерсон в самой первой съёмке для журнала «Playboy», 1990. На фото голливудская актриса Dorothy Lamour и шимпанзе Джи...

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Расскажем, как сложилась судьба актеров, которые начинали сниматься еще в детстве.
Остаться на вершине в Голливуде удаётся не каждому, особенно если путь начался в детстве. Одни актёры теряются из-за...

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Два года назад отечественное телевидение столкнулось с беспрецедентной кадровой тектоникой — целая группа ярких и узнаваемых ведущих стремительно исчезла с экранов федеральных каналов. Эти лица долгие...

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Кира Найтли на страницах журнала к выходу фильма «Пиджак», 2005. Следы динозавра, раскопанные в русле реки Палакси. Техас. США. 1952г. Самая большая женщина рядом с самым маленьким мужчиной, 1922 год....