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What is the story with the ai...

What is the story with the airport sinks, that they will not give us a twist-on twist-off human faucet. "Is it that too risky for the human population? We have to do the one-handed pain-in-the-ass Alcatraz-style faucets. "What is it they think we will do? Turn 'em all on full, run out into the parking lot, laughing, pushing each other into the bushes?

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Would somebody please explain...

Would somebody please explain to me those signs that say, "No animals allowed except for Seeing Eye Dogs?" Who is that sign for? Is it for the dog, or the blind person?

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Kids don't say, "Wait." They ...

Kids don't say, "Wait." They say, "Wait up, hey wait up!" Because when you're little, your life is up. The future is up. Everything you want is up. "Hold up. Shut up! Mum, I'll clean up. Let me stay up!" Parents, of course, are just the opposite. Everything is down. "Just calm down. Slow down. Come down here! Sit down. Put... that... down."

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

The Swiss have an interesting...

The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever seen that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews. Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in the back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off, I’ve got the toe clippers right here.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

What I don't understand is ho...

What I don't understand is how women can pour hot wax on their bodies, let it dry, then rip out every single hair by its root and still be scared of spiders.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Responsible, who wants to be ...

Responsible, who wants to be responsible? Whenever something bad happens, it's always, who's responsible for this?

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Women go after doctors like m...

Women go after doctors like men go after models. They want someone with knowledge of the body. We just want the body.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

If aliens are watching us thr...

If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

According to most studies, pe...

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

I love how you just make coff...

I love how you just make coffee and then somehow something gets done.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

You can measure distance by t...

You can measure distance by time. 'How far away is it?' 'Oh about 20 minutes.' But it doesn't work the other way. 'When do you get off work?' 'Around 3 miles.'

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Looking at cleavage is like l...

Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it, it's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

I didn't know every day I wou...

I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it's a musical.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

The Four Levels of Comedy: Ma...

The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

The Internet offers opportuni...

The Internet offers opportunities that are more unique than ever before. With TV, I know I'm making 22 minutes; I know there's a commercial in the middle. With the Internet, no one knows anything. No rules.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Sometimes the road less trave...

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

You know you're getting old w...

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Where lipstick is concerned, ...

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Stand-up is hard. Or to keep ...

Stand-up is hard. Or to keep it at a certain level is hard: I have no writers but me.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Now they show you how deterge...

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

Jerry Seinfeld 313 quotes

Добрые, щедрые, великодушные: 6 советских актеров, которые были всеобщими любимчиками

23

Советских актёров часто ставят в пример как образец духовной силы, национальной гордости и внутренней красоты. Они стали символами эпохи, носителями культуры и нравственности. Но, как известно, за кул...

Десять кинозвезд, которые отлично поют

83

Актеры — люди творческие, но кто бы мог подумать, что некоторые из них скрывают прекрасный голос. В эпоху раннего Голливуда актеров с музыкальными способностями было немало — это считалось скорее норм...

Мэрилин Монро, Ким Кардашьян и другие

115

Неузнаваемая Ким Кардашьян в объективе фотографа Маркуса Клинко, 2009 год. Памела Андерсон в самой первой съёмке для журнала «Playboy», 1990. На фото голливудская актриса Dorothy Lamour и шимпанзе Джи...

Что стало с детьми-звездами: Рэдклифф и компания спустя годы

219

Расскажем, как сложилась судьба актеров, которые начинали сниматься еще в детстве.
Остаться на вершине в Голливуде удаётся не каждому, особенно если путь начался в детстве. Одни актёры теряются из-за...

Жизнь за границей: как изменились судьбы 7 уехавших телеведущих

541

Два года назад отечественное телевидение столкнулось с беспрецедентной кадровой тектоникой — целая группа ярких и узнаваемых ведущих стремительно исчезла с экранов федеральных каналов. Эти лица долгие...

Кира Найтли, Деми Мур и другие

165

Кира Найтли на страницах журнала к выходу фильма «Пиджак», 2005. Следы динозавра, раскопанные в русле реки Палакси. Техас. США. 1952г. Самая большая женщина рядом с самым маленьким мужчиной, 1922 год....