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The first obligation I have i...

The first obligation I have is to be funny; it's my first impulse and an instinct. I like being funny and finding the jokes.

George Carlin 952 quotes

In baseball the object is to ...

In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! - I hope I'll be safe at home!

George Carlin 952 quotes

I love it in a movie when the...

I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie.

George Carlin 952 quotes

You know what I like about th...

You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.

George Carlin 952 quotes

I think everybody should be a...

I think everybody should be able to do anything they want and let roving bands of people punish each other for things they don't agree with. People with no underwear doing anything they want. Wouldn't that be fun? You wouldn't need television.

George Carlin 952 quotes

If Helen Keller had psychic a...

If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was?

George Carlin 952 quotes

The sicker you get, the harde...

The sicker you get, the harder it is to remember if you took your medicine.

George Carlin 952 quotes

Sometimes, when I was really ...

Sometimes, when I was really loaded, I'd sit on the floor and sort out every nut and bolt in the house. It was just sheer insanity. And often there'd be speed in the cut, so I was a speed freak, too.

George Carlin 952 quotes

And this should go without sa...

And this should go without saying. That's why I'm going to say it: Drinking and driving don't mix. Do your drinking early in the morning and get it out of the way. Then go driving while the visibility is still good.

George Carlin 952 quotes

I've just completed a five-ye...

I've just completed a five-year period that can perhaps best be called a breathing spell. A time of getting my health back and gathering my strength. That time also included incredible cocaine abuse, a heart attack and my wife's recovery from both alcoholism and cocaine abuse.

George Carlin 952 quotes

I went to my old school, wher...

I went to my old school, where all the kids I'd been with for eight years were about to graduate. But the sisters wanted me to repeat the whole term; so I went to the principal and pleaded with her to allow me to graduate with my class. She finally agreed on the condition that I write the graduation play. It was called How Do You Spend Your Leisure Time?Catchy title, huh?

George Carlin 952 quotes

When people asked me, "Do you...

When people asked me, "Do you get high to go onstage?" I could never understand the question. I mean, I'd been high since eight that morning.

George Carlin 952 quotes

It's a "keep your fingers cro...

It's a "keep your fingers crossed" business, the entertainment business.

George Carlin 952 quotes

I think of myself as an enter...

I think of myself as an entertainer: I'm a performing entertainer, I'm a stand-up comic. But there's an artist at work here, too. One who interprets his world through his own filter.

George Carlin 952 quotes

When I see a large group of p...

When I see a large group of people, I wonder how many of them will eventually require autopsies.

George Carlin 952 quotes

The dividend I get [from my c...

The dividend I get [from my compulsion] is the freedom to be totally disorderly in my dreamworld.

George Carlin 952 quotes

Anyone who's onstage is going...

Anyone who's onstage is going to attract a certain number of misguided people. But I was never very interested in groupies. Instead of thinking about the sex, I'd always think about the clap and the crabs those people have.

George Carlin 952 quotes

I went to George Washington H...

I went to George Washington High School for six months before my 16th birthday, when I could legally quit. That was an even worse experience than the Catholic schools. I mean, they were still teaching fractions. But mostly, I played hooky.

George Carlin 952 quotes

Did you ever look at your wat...

Did you ever look at your watch, and you look away... and you don't know what time it is?

George Carlin 952 quotes

There are a lot of little thi...

There are a lot of little things about our bodies that we all know, but we never talk about. That's what interests me. These are practically universal experiences; nobody mentions them! Some of them are disgusting. Some of them are appallingly revolting and degrading even to the most degenerate mind. So let's get started with a couple of them.

George Carlin 952 quotes

Добрые, щедрые, великодушные: 6 советских актеров, которые были всеобщими любимчиками

23

Советских актёров часто ставят в пример как образец духовной силы, национальной гордости и внутренней красоты. Они стали символами эпохи, носителями культуры и нравственности. Но, как известно, за кул...

Десять кинозвезд, которые отлично поют

83

Актеры — люди творческие, но кто бы мог подумать, что некоторые из них скрывают прекрасный голос. В эпоху раннего Голливуда актеров с музыкальными способностями было немало — это считалось скорее норм...

Мэрилин Монро, Ким Кардашьян и другие

115

Неузнаваемая Ким Кардашьян в объективе фотографа Маркуса Клинко, 2009 год. Памела Андерсон в самой первой съёмке для журнала «Playboy», 1990. На фото голливудская актриса Dorothy Lamour и шимпанзе Джи...

Что стало с детьми-звездами: Рэдклифф и компания спустя годы

219

Расскажем, как сложилась судьба актеров, которые начинали сниматься еще в детстве.
Остаться на вершине в Голливуде удаётся не каждому, особенно если путь начался в детстве. Одни актёры теряются из-за...

Жизнь за границей: как изменились судьбы 7 уехавших телеведущих

541

Два года назад отечественное телевидение столкнулось с беспрецедентной кадровой тектоникой — целая группа ярких и узнаваемых ведущих стремительно исчезла с экранов федеральных каналов. Эти лица долгие...

Кира Найтли, Деми Мур и другие

165

Кира Найтли на страницах журнала к выходу фильма «Пиджак», 2005. Следы динозавра, раскопанные в русле реки Палакси. Техас. США. 1952г. Самая большая женщина рядом с самым маленьким мужчиной, 1922 год....