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I set out to be a cross betwe...

I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce - my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions - the absurdity of the thing.

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

I think of my life as a serie...

I think of my life as a series of moments and I've found that the great moments often don't have too much to them. They're not huge, complicated events; they're just magical wee moments when somebody says 'I love you' or 'You're a really good at what you do' or simply 'You're a good person'.

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

Scottish-Americans tell you t...

Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it's easy - you simply look under the kilt, and if it's a quarter-pounder, you know it's a McDonald's.

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

A mate of mine has just told ...

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

I once travelled to Adelaide ...

I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can't fly

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

Without arts programmes there...

Without arts programmes there's only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

What is it with McDonald's st...

What is it with McDonald's staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the 'Mc' before the item you're ordering? It has to be a McChicken burger...a chicken burger gets blank looks. Well, I'll have a McStraw and jam it into your McEyes, you f**cking McTosser!

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

Whenever I wear something exp...

Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

I worry about ridiculous thin...

I worry about ridiculous things, you know, how does a guy who drives a snowplough get to work in the morning. ... That can keep me awake for days.

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

What always staggers me is th...

What always staggers me is that when people blow their noses, they always look into their hankies to see what came out. What do they expect to find?

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

There's no such thing as bad ...

There's no such thing as bad weather - only the wrong clothes.

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

Sex therapist claims that the...

Sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally, I think its bollocks!!

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

Paddy was in the delivery roo...

Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby. "Is this yours?" she asked "probably" said Paddy "she burns everything else"

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

I'm a big fan of the Mars Bar...

I'm a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don't eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

I'd always been scared of peo...

I'd always been scared of people with tertiary education and high intellects in case they found me wanting. I thought they viewed me as just a welder who knew a few jokes.

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

The human race has been set u...

The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

Politically correct is the la...

Politically correct is the language of cowardice.

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

I used to be a folk singer, b...

I used to be a folk singer, but I was... dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

All anyone really needs to kn...

All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

A well-balanced person has a ...

A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.

Billy Connolly 168 quotes

Добрые, щедрые, великодушные: 6 советских актеров, которые были всеобщими любимчиками

23

Советских актёров часто ставят в пример как образец духовной силы, национальной гордости и внутренней красоты. Они стали символами эпохи, носителями культуры и нравственности. Но, как известно, за кул...

Десять кинозвезд, которые отлично поют

83

Актеры — люди творческие, но кто бы мог подумать, что некоторые из них скрывают прекрасный голос. В эпоху раннего Голливуда актеров с музыкальными способностями было немало — это считалось скорее норм...

Мэрилин Монро, Ким Кардашьян и другие

115

Неузнаваемая Ким Кардашьян в объективе фотографа Маркуса Клинко, 2009 год. Памела Андерсон в самой первой съёмке для журнала «Playboy», 1990. На фото голливудская актриса Dorothy Lamour и шимпанзе Джи...

Что стало с детьми-звездами: Рэдклифф и компания спустя годы

219

Расскажем, как сложилась судьба актеров, которые начинали сниматься еще в детстве.
Остаться на вершине в Голливуде удаётся не каждому, особенно если путь начался в детстве. Одни актёры теряются из-за...

Жизнь за границей: как изменились судьбы 7 уехавших телеведущих

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Два года назад отечественное телевидение столкнулось с беспрецедентной кадровой тектоникой — целая группа ярких и узнаваемых ведущих стремительно исчезла с экранов федеральных каналов. Эти лица долгие...

Кира Найтли, Деми Мур и другие

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Кира Найтли на страницах журнала к выходу фильма «Пиджак», 2005. Следы динозавра, раскопанные в русле реки Палакси. Техас. США. 1952г. Самая большая женщина рядом с самым маленьким мужчиной, 1922 год....