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I got a new dog. He's a parano...

I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

I bought a self learning recor...

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

I took a course in speed readi...

I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

I am writing a book. So far I ...

I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

Black holes result from God di...

Black holes result from God dividing the universe by zero.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

Tell a man that there are 400 ...

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

One time a cop pulled me over ...

One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He said, 'Didn't you see the stop sign?' I said, 'Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read'

Steven Wright 599 quotes

My aunt gave me a walkie-talki...

My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

My friend Sally is a nudist. I...

My friend Sally is a nudist. I went to her house. The closets have no doors. The walls are covered with see-through wallpaper.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

A friend of mine is into Voodo...

A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go. You'll just be walking down the street and . . . ooooohhhhhh, that's much better.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

I saw a close friend of mine t...

I saw a close friend of mine the other day. . . . He said, 'Stephen, why haven't you called me?' I said, 'I can't call everyone I want. My new phone has no five on it.' He said, 'How long have you had it?' I said, 'I don't know . . . my calendar has no sevens on it.'

Steven Wright 599 quotes

I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have...

I Xeroxed my watch. Now I have time to spare.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

If a tree falls in the forest ...

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

Steven Wright 599 quotes

Everything is within walking d...

Everything is within walking distance, as long as you have time.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

I took a lie detector test the...

I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

Babies don't need a vacation. ...

Babies don't need a vacation. But I still see them at the beach. It pisses me off.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

Last night I fell asleep in a ...

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

I bought a dog the other day. ...

I bought a dog the other day. . . . I named him Stay. It's fun to call him. . . . 'Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!' He went insane. Now he just ignores me and keeps typing.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

I went to this restaurant last...

I went to this restaurant last night that was set up like a big buffet in the shape of an Ouija board. You'd think about what kind of food you want, and the table would move across the floor to it.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

If I melt dry ice, can I swim ...

If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?

Steven Wright 599 quotes

Добрые, щедрые, великодушные: 6 советских актеров, которые были всеобщими любимчиками

23

Советских актёров часто ставят в пример как образец духовной силы, национальной гордости и внутренней красоты. Они стали символами эпохи, носителями культуры и нравственности. Но, как известно, за кул...

Десять кинозвезд, которые отлично поют

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Актеры — люди творческие, но кто бы мог подумать, что некоторые из них скрывают прекрасный голос. В эпоху раннего Голливуда актеров с музыкальными способностями было немало — это считалось скорее норм...

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Неузнаваемая Ким Кардашьян в объективе фотографа Маркуса Клинко, 2009 год. Памела Андерсон в самой первой съёмке для журнала «Playboy», 1990. На фото голливудская актриса Dorothy Lamour и шимпанзе Джи...

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Расскажем, как сложилась судьба актеров, которые начинали сниматься еще в детстве.
Остаться на вершине в Голливуде удаётся не каждому, особенно если путь начался в детстве. Одни актёры теряются из-за...

Жизнь за границей: как изменились судьбы 7 уехавших телеведущих

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Два года назад отечественное телевидение столкнулось с беспрецедентной кадровой тектоникой — целая группа ярких и узнаваемых ведущих стремительно исчезла с экранов федеральных каналов. Эти лица долгие...

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Кира Найтли на страницах журнала к выходу фильма «Пиджак», 2005. Следы динозавра, раскопанные в русле реки Палакси. Техас. США. 1952г. Самая большая женщина рядом с самым маленьким мужчиной, 1922 год....