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I got a new dog. He's a parano...

I got a new dog. He's a paranoid retriever. He brings back everything because he's not sure what I threw him.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

Why do they call it the Depart...

Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

Steven Wright 599 quotes

I told her I knew when I was g...

I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate had an expiration date on it.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

If Dracula can't see his refle...

If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

Steven Wright 599 quotes

Why do banks charge you a 'no...

Why do banks charge you a 'non-sufficient funds fee' on money they already know you don't have?

Steven Wright 599 quotes

The lady across the hall tried...

The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store . . . with a pricing gun. She said, 'Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store.'

Steven Wright 599 quotes

I spent all my money on a FAX ...

I spent all my money on a FAX machine. Now I can only FAX collect.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

A fool and his money are soon ...

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

I used to have an open mind bu...

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

There's a pizza place near whe...

There's a pizza place near where I live that sells only slices. In the back, you can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

Imagine if birds were tickled ...

Imagine if birds were tickled by feathers. You'd see a flock of birds come by, laughing hysterically!

Steven Wright 599 quotes

My girlfriend does her nails w...

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

I got an answering machine for...

I got an answering machine for my phone. . . . Now, when I'm not home and somebody calls me up . . . they hear a recording of a busy signal.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

I was born by Caesarian sectio...

I was born by Caesarian section . . . but not so you'd notice. It's just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

I got a garage door opener. It...

I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

For a while I didn't have a ca...

For a while I didn't have a car . . . I had a helicopter . . . no place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running. [slow glance upward]

Steven Wright 599 quotes

After eating, do amphibians ne...

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting out of the water?

Steven Wright 599 quotes

I got my driver's license phot...

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over, the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly], and says, 'Here, you can go'

Steven Wright 599 quotes

If I melt dry ice, can I swim ...

If I melt dry ice, can I swim without getting wet?

Steven Wright 599 quotes

I used to be a narrator for ba...

I used to be a narrator for bad mimes.

Steven Wright 599 quotes

Добрые, щедрые, великодушные: 6 советских актеров, которые были всеобщими любимчиками

23

Советских актёров часто ставят в пример как образец духовной силы, национальной гордости и внутренней красоты. Они стали символами эпохи, носителями культуры и нравственности. Но, как известно, за кул...

Десять кинозвезд, которые отлично поют

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Актеры — люди творческие, но кто бы мог подумать, что некоторые из них скрывают прекрасный голос. В эпоху раннего Голливуда актеров с музыкальными способностями было немало — это считалось скорее норм...

Мэрилин Монро, Ким Кардашьян и другие

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Неузнаваемая Ким Кардашьян в объективе фотографа Маркуса Клинко, 2009 год. Памела Андерсон в самой первой съёмке для журнала «Playboy», 1990. На фото голливудская актриса Dorothy Lamour и шимпанзе Джи...

Что стало с детьми-звездами: Рэдклифф и компания спустя годы

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Расскажем, как сложилась судьба актеров, которые начинали сниматься еще в детстве.
Остаться на вершине в Голливуде удаётся не каждому, особенно если путь начался в детстве. Одни актёры теряются из-за...

Жизнь за границей: как изменились судьбы 7 уехавших телеведущих

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Два года назад отечественное телевидение столкнулось с беспрецедентной кадровой тектоникой — целая группа ярких и узнаваемых ведущих стремительно исчезла с экранов федеральных каналов. Эти лица долгие...

Кира Найтли, Деми Мур и другие

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Кира Найтли на страницах журнала к выходу фильма «Пиджак», 2005. Следы динозавра, раскопанные в русле реки Палакси. Техас. США. 1952г. Самая большая женщина рядом с самым маленьким мужчиной, 1922 год....