Happiness is having a scratch ...

Happiness is having a scratch for every itch.

No, you never get any fun

No, you never get any fun
Out of the things you haven't done.

Ogden Nash 03.03.2018 03:03:03 224 quotes

So I hope husbands and wives w...

So I hope husbands and wives will continue to debate and combat
Over everything debatable and combatable
Because I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life
Particularly if he has income and she is pattable.

The reason for much matrimony ...

The reason for much matrimony is patrimony.

All husbands are alike, but th...

All husbands are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.

I'm like a backward berry, Unr...

I'm like a backward berry, Unripened on the vine, For all my friends are fifty, And I'm only forty-nine.

Certainly there are lots of th...

Certainly there are lots of things in life that money won't buy, but it's very funny- Have you ever tried to buy them without money?

There are two kinds of people ...

There are two kinds of people who blow through life like a breeze, And one kind is gossipers, and the other kind is gossipees.

I don't mind their having a lo...

I don't mind their having a lot of money, and I don't care how they employ it, but I do think that they damn well ought to admit they enjoy it.

Stuyvesant chats with Kelly an...

Stuyvesant chats with Kelly and Katz, The professor warms to the broker, And life is good in the brotherhood Of an air-conditioned smoker.

A dog's best friend is his ill...

A dog's best friend is his illiteracy.

Whenever you're wrong, admit i...

Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Miranda in Miranda's sight is ...

Miranda in Miranda's sight is old, gray and dirty; Twenty-nine she was last night; This morning she is thirty.

Parents were invented to make ...

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

The turtle lives 'twixt plated...

The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile.

How confusing the beams from m...

How confusing the beams from memory's lamp are; One day a bachelor, the next a grampa. What is the secret of the trick? How did I get so old so quick?

Here's a good rule of thumb; t...

Here's a good rule of thumb; too clever is dumb.

When I remember bygone days I ...

When I remember bygone days I think how evening follows morn So many I loved were not yet dead, So many I love were not yet born.

Marriage is the only known exa...

Marriage is the only known example of the happy meeting of the immovable object and the irresistible force.

Don't over-analyze your marria...

Don't over-analyze your marriage; it's like yanking up a fragile indoor plant every 20 minutes to see how its roots are growing.