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I have a file of four million...

I have a file of four million jokes... I have them cross-indexed. Whatever subject you want, I have a joke on it.

Milton Berle 138 quotes

The company accountant is shy...

The company accountant is shy and retiring. He's shy a quarter of a million dollars. That's why he's retiring.

Milton Berle 138 quotes

Laughter is an instant vacati...

Laughter is an instant vacation.

Milton Berle 138 quotes

I'd rather be a could-be if I...

I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are.

Milton Berle 138 quotes

I received a lot of complaint...

I received a lot of complaints from parents who wrote and told me that their kids wouldn't go to sleep until our show was over. So I went on the air and told all the children watching to 'listen to their Uncle Miltie and go to bed right after the show.'

Milton Berle 138 quotes

A committee is a group that k...

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

Milton Berle 138 quotes

There's a difference between ...

There's a difference between being a comic and a comedian. A comic is a guy who says funny things, and a comedian is a guy who says things funny, and he has a style and point of view that will last much longer.

Milton Berle 138 quotes

My doctor told me that joggin...

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

Milton Berle 138 quotes

Anytime a person goes into a ...

Anytime a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

Milton Berle 138 quotes

They've finally comes up with...

They've finally comes up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.

Milton Berle 138 quotes

I just filled out my income t...

I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?

Milton Berle 138 quotes

People say I owe a lot to tel...

People say I owe a lot to television. The fact is I was a star long before television. What TV made me is unemployed.

Milton Berle 138 quotes

If opportunity doesn't knock,...

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.

Milton Berle 138 quotes

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison...

We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him, we'd be watching television by candlelight.

Milton Berle 138 quotes

Now a 'funnyman' can get a la...

Now a 'funnyman' can get a laugh before opening his mouth - looking funny. Lou Costello was one of your great funnymen. Harry Langdon, Larry Semon; they were all funnymen - they looked funny. W.C. Fields was never a comedian. Slim Summerville was a comedian, yet looked funny. Now if you have both attributes, you are in good shape.

Milton Berle 138 quotes

Marriage is one of the few in...

Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

Milton Berle 138 quotes

I never stole a joke in my li...

I never stole a joke in my life. I just find them before they're lost.

Milton Berle 138 quotes

Most attorneys practice law b...

Most attorneys practice law because it gives them a grand and glorious feeling. You give them a grand - and they feel glorious.

Milton Berle 138 quotes

I just read about a schooltea...

I just read about a schoolteacher who got hurt. She was grading papers on a curve!

Milton Berle 138 quotes

This is how it is today: The ...

This is how it is today: The teachers are afraid of the principals. The principals are afraid of the superintendents. The superintendents are afraid of the board of education. The board is afraid of the parents. The parents are afraid of the children. The children are afraid of nothing!

Milton Berle 138 quotes

Добрые, щедрые, великодушные: 6 советских актеров, которые были всеобщими любимчиками

23

Советских актёров часто ставят в пример как образец духовной силы, национальной гордости и внутренней красоты. Они стали символами эпохи, носителями культуры и нравственности. Но, как известно, за кул...

Десять кинозвезд, которые отлично поют

83

Актеры — люди творческие, но кто бы мог подумать, что некоторые из них скрывают прекрасный голос. В эпоху раннего Голливуда актеров с музыкальными способностями было немало — это считалось скорее норм...

Мэрилин Монро, Ким Кардашьян и другие

115

Неузнаваемая Ким Кардашьян в объективе фотографа Маркуса Клинко, 2009 год. Памела Андерсон в самой первой съёмке для журнала «Playboy», 1990. На фото голливудская актриса Dorothy Lamour и шимпанзе Джи...

Что стало с детьми-звездами: Рэдклифф и компания спустя годы

219

Расскажем, как сложилась судьба актеров, которые начинали сниматься еще в детстве.
Остаться на вершине в Голливуде удаётся не каждому, особенно если путь начался в детстве. Одни актёры теряются из-за...

Жизнь за границей: как изменились судьбы 7 уехавших телеведущих

541

Два года назад отечественное телевидение столкнулось с беспрецедентной кадровой тектоникой — целая группа ярких и узнаваемых ведущих стремительно исчезла с экранов федеральных каналов. Эти лица долгие...

Кира Найтли, Деми Мур и другие

165

Кира Найтли на страницах журнала к выходу фильма «Пиджак», 2005. Следы динозавра, раскопанные в русле реки Палакси. Техас. США. 1952г. Самая большая женщина рядом с самым маленьким мужчиной, 1922 год....