It's terrifying. It's so scary, because you get used to being around the crew and being friendly with everyone and then suddenly, at a certain point, everything switches and you're the one standing behind the lights and nobody's going to help you. And that can be really difficult sometimes.
It was so embarrassing, everytime I see it, I blush. Imagine if you saw yourselves like that. It's one thing to get dressed up and do the movie star thing, but I mean, it's my job to be outside of that and it's not like I'm on the outside when they're all watching me. [About the famous car wash scene from One Night at McCool's]
I just think it's really funny and entertaining. I mean, I don't necessarily take them really seriously - I don't even think a lot of really good films get seen. But I don't think that's what it's about. I mean, how amazing was Ellen Burstyn in Requiem For A Dream ? Especially as she was acting with herself most of the time. I don't understand how a performance like that can't win. I was so affected by that movie that I had to turn it off. I felt as if I was on drugs and my heart was about to leap out of my body.
I just remember saying to myself that I'd much rather do movies than modeling, and that it was worth a try. I didn't really know anything about it. I hadn't seen many movies, or so-called, good movies. When I was a kid, I was obsessed with Star Wars and Night of the Living Dead. When I got more curious about the movies, I thought they were something you had to learn about and go to school for and read every book.
My family dynamic is quite eccentric. I have two fathers. I think it depends on the relationship between the child and the parents, but definitely, when it comes to being a stepparent or a coparent, it's a different relationship. There's just as much love, but the bonds can be different. It depends when you come into their life and how well you know them - this dynamic takes a lot of patience and love.
Fathers are very, very important in building the foundations and self-esteem of children. For me, the way that I was raised, consideration, courtesy and manners are really key and I think the father plays a big role in setting an example to children in how to behave out in the world and how to treat people. It's a little bit different when it comes from the dad rather than the mum somehow.
Being a teenage model was lot of fun, like playing dress-up. I'd feel ugly and awkward and chubby, and they'd transform me. Not that that makes everything better. Then my mom shopped the pictures around, I guess, and the agencies started calling. I wound up going with a little agency, Spectrum. It all happened really quickly, I started modeling for magazines like YM and Seventeen, and I did a couple of bigger things like Italian Vogue.
I've always enjoyed acting, but there's a part of me that's shied away from living a celebrity life. I don't feel comfortable being noticed all the time. Sometimes I even fantasize about doing things other than acting. But I can remember being back on set the third day of my latest project and going, "Ahh, this is what I have to do for a living." It's what makes me happy.
I got my first part in Silent Fall, 1994 - I guess I was 15 or 16 - which was really outrageous because I still knew nothing. I don't think I really learned how to land on my marks until after Empire Records in 1995, 'cause sometimes I'll see a shot in that film, and I'm like "Whoa, I just walked over to the corner."
Working with Bernardo Bertolucci, director of Stealing Beauty was my first experience of being able to communicate with someone whom I'd think of as a mentor, who'd ask me my opinion and trust me, and believe in me and allow me to do the things that I wanted to do. The film itself was also rare in terms of character most of the scripts I've read are the story of some man, and there might be a love interest or a big woman's part.
My mom has a diary entry or something where I wrote, "I think Steven Tyler is my father." I had the same feelings for Todd Rundgren, who raised me as his daughter. I would go to sleep at night and wake up at like 6 in the morning and creep up the little steps to the tower where he would be on his computer. I would just sit there.
We put so much pressure on ourselves as parents to be able to do everything, but children are very grateful and understanding. I always find that quality time, even if you just get a little bit, really has a deep impact. But you also need them to know that they can make mistakes, and if they do make a mistake it's OK for them to tell you and that they'll get a second chance.
I was always a little bit chubbier than everyone else. But I would feel pain for some of the other girls, who were so young and felt they had to be so skinny. They'd be living in the model apartments, totally wrapped up in this whole world. And it made me more sad than anything.
There are many important elements to being a parent. A lot of people don't have fathers but they might have someone in their life who's a good male influence and support. There's no cookie-cutter way of raising children and no family is the same, but the most important thing is that children are loved, supported and cared for, whether it's coming from a relative or a friend or a grandfather or a good school teacher. Anyone. Children just need good examples and mentoring to teach them and show them how to do things.
I feel so blessed that I have a job where I can spend long periods of time with my family. Most moms don't have that choice. But wearing so many hats - mother, wife, actress - does take hard work; you always have to be thinking about your family's best interests.
I laughed at the whole Cannes Film Festival thing because it didn't feel real. I remember getting off the red-eye when I arrived in France. I had a cowboy had on and some zit medicine, and there were like 15 photographers who jumped over the luggage carousel to take pictures of me.
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