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I live about four muggings fro...

I live about four muggings from Central Park.

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

I have terrible luck. Last wee...

I have terrible luck. Last week my chauffeur ran off without my wife.

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

Are you married? What do you d...

Are you married? What do you do for agravation?

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

Payday at my house is like the...

Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

Have you noticed that families...

Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

If, as the scientist say, sex ...

If, as the scientist say, sex is such a driving force, why is so much of it nowadays found parked?

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

You look like a talent scout f...

You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

Two kangaroos were talking to ...

Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, 'I hope it doesn't rain today. I hate it when the children play inside.

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

I call my lawyer and say, 'Can...

I call my lawyer and say, 'Can I ask you two questions?' He says, 'What's the second question?'

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

I've got enough money to last ...

I've got enough money to last the rest of my life ... as long as I die about four o'clock this afternoon.

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

The most effective way to reme...

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

I'm offended by political joke...

I'm offended by political jokes. Too often they get elected.

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

I've got two wonderful childre...

I've got two wonderful children - and two out of five isn't too bad.

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

Have I got a mother-in-law. Sh...

Have I got a mother-in-law. She's so neat she puts paper under the cuckoo clock.

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

A man calls a lawyer's office....

A man calls a lawyer's office. The phone is answered, Schwartz, Schwartz, Schwartz and Schwartz. The man says, Let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. I'm sorry, he's on vacation. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's on a big case, not available for a week. Then let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. He's playing golf today. Okay, then, let me talk to Mr. Schwartz. Speaking.

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

A man is at the bar, drunk. I ...

A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, Here's your husband! The man's wife says, Where's his wheelchair?

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

A guy says, I'm so old that I ...

A guy says, I'm so old that I forgot how old I am. An old woman says, I'll tell you how old you are. Take off your clothes and bend over. The man does this. The woman says, You're seventy four. The man says, How can you tell? The woman says, You told me yesterday.

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

A man goes to a barbershop and...

A man goes to a barbershop and asks, How many ahead of me? Five. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Four. The man leaves. He comes back the next day and asks, How many ahead of me? Six. The man leaves, and the barber says to another, Follow that man! The man comes back and says, He goes to your house!

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

A guy complains of a headache....

A guy complains of a headache. Another guy says, Do what I do. I put my head on my wife's bosom, and the headache goes away. The next day, the man says, Did you do what I told you to? Yes, I sure did. By the way, you have a nice house!

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

In high school football, the c...

In high school football, the coach kept me on the bench all year. On the last game of the season, the crowd was yelling, We want Youngman! We want Youngman! The coach says, Youngman - go see what they want!

Henny Youngman 230 quotes

Добрые, щедрые, великодушные: 6 советских актеров, которые были всеобщими любимчиками

23

Советских актёров часто ставят в пример как образец духовной силы, национальной гордости и внутренней красоты. Они стали символами эпохи, носителями культуры и нравственности. Но, как известно, за кул...

Десять кинозвезд, которые отлично поют

83

Актеры — люди творческие, но кто бы мог подумать, что некоторые из них скрывают прекрасный голос. В эпоху раннего Голливуда актеров с музыкальными способностями было немало — это считалось скорее норм...

Мэрилин Монро, Ким Кардашьян и другие

115

Неузнаваемая Ким Кардашьян в объективе фотографа Маркуса Клинко, 2009 год. Памела Андерсон в самой первой съёмке для журнала «Playboy», 1990. На фото голливудская актриса Dorothy Lamour и шимпанзе Джи...

Что стало с детьми-звездами: Рэдклифф и компания спустя годы

219

Расскажем, как сложилась судьба актеров, которые начинали сниматься еще в детстве.
Остаться на вершине в Голливуде удаётся не каждому, особенно если путь начался в детстве. Одни актёры теряются из-за...

Жизнь за границей: как изменились судьбы 7 уехавших телеведущих

541

Два года назад отечественное телевидение столкнулось с беспрецедентной кадровой тектоникой — целая группа ярких и узнаваемых ведущих стремительно исчезла с экранов федеральных каналов. Эти лица долгие...

Кира Найтли, Деми Мур и другие

165

Кира Найтли на страницах журнала к выходу фильма «Пиджак», 2005. Следы динозавра, раскопанные в русле реки Палакси. Техас. США. 1952г. Самая большая женщина рядом с самым маленьким мужчиной, 1922 год....