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When I masturbate I fantasize...

When I masturbate I fantasize about having my own apartment. I used to think about Cindy Crawford now I think about leaving a dish in the sink overnight.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

Jesse has opened for me exten...

Jesse has opened for me extensively on the road so I’ve seen him do hundreds of sets. He is always super funny, has tons of material and the crowds love him. Bottom line, Jesse Joyce is a great comedian.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

Norm MacDonald is here - one ...

Norm MacDonald is here - one of the funniest people ever. Norm's got a giant gambling problem. He's dropped more coin in a casino than Michael J. Fox at a parking meter.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

The Japanese scientists just ...

The Japanese scientists just found a 25,000-year-old mammoth in the ice in Siberia, and they're about to clone it... You think the Japanese of all people would want nothing to do with prehistoric animals after what happened with Godzilla.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

Once I saw a homeless man wea...

Once I saw a homeless man wearing his underwear on top of his pants. Now we say, why don't the homeless just go out and get a job? If he's wearing his underwear on top of his pants, I doubt his resume is in order, and I don't think he's going to make it too far in the interview process. In fact, I'm pretty sure that McDonald's has a no underwear over your pant policy.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

All the evidence we need that...

All the evidence we need that God is angry with us is Justin Timberlake's career.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

It's all about self-esteem no...

It's all about self-esteem now. Build the kids' self-esteem, make them feel good about themselves. If everybody grows up with high self-esteem, who's gonna dance in our strip-clubs?

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

A dangerous fire retardant ch...

A dangerous fire retardant chemical is being found in women's breast milk. My wife's breastfeeding, but you know, you gotta be an optimist. I'm like, well, maybe it's making my child fireproof.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

Gilbert Gottfried is famously...

Gilbert Gottfried is famously cheap. I'm impressed you're here Gilbert. You gotta buy new clothes and take a week off work just to do this. But you showed up. You tightened your belt and you came. You're like David Carradine.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

We need more money for school...

We need more money for schools. We need more money for the kids. Ever think maybe the damn kids aren't worth it?

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

Do you know how short you hav...

Do you know how short you have to be to have a Napoleon complex in North Korea?

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

You try not to have a favorit...

You try not to have a favorite when you have sons or kids. Can't have a favorite. Can't let them know know if you do. I don't. I treat my main son and the other two exactly the same way.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

Little did I know that earnin...

Little did I know that earning a living at stand-up is the hardest thing you can do. But once I started doing it, I just loved it, and I realized that I was actually kinda good at it, and then that was it.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

It's hard to distinguish when...

It's hard to distinguish when I was actually struggling from when I only felt like I was struggling - which was pretty much always.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

Why do we need another statio...

Why do we need another station where everyone has a gun? We already have BET.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

The things that make me laugh...

The things that make me laugh are considered smart or whatever, I guess. But stuff that's self-consciously intelligent or self-consciously hip or cool, that doesn't do it for me either. You just try to be funny.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

I've always had real trouble ...

I've always had real trouble knowing what my actual desires and goals are. I've just been dragged along by fate.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

The reality is I'm not a 'get...

The reality is I'm not a 'get knocked down and come back harder' kind of guy.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

People always want to compare...

People always want to compare their dogs to having kids. That's insulting. First of all, nobody has a dog because they were too drunk to pull out.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

A good joke provides tension,...

A good joke provides tension, and then, release of that tension. You build the tension by saying things that are controversial. The release is the laugh. The bigger the surprise or insight in your joke, the bigger the laugh.

Greg Giraldo 60 quotes

Добрые, щедрые, великодушные: 6 советских актеров, которые были всеобщими любимчиками

23

Советских актёров часто ставят в пример как образец духовной силы, национальной гордости и внутренней красоты. Они стали символами эпохи, носителями культуры и нравственности. Но, как известно, за кул...

Десять кинозвезд, которые отлично поют

83

Актеры — люди творческие, но кто бы мог подумать, что некоторые из них скрывают прекрасный голос. В эпоху раннего Голливуда актеров с музыкальными способностями было немало — это считалось скорее норм...

Мэрилин Монро, Ким Кардашьян и другие

115

Неузнаваемая Ким Кардашьян в объективе фотографа Маркуса Клинко, 2009 год. Памела Андерсон в самой первой съёмке для журнала «Playboy», 1990. На фото голливудская актриса Dorothy Lamour и шимпанзе Джи...

Что стало с детьми-звездами: Рэдклифф и компания спустя годы

219

Расскажем, как сложилась судьба актеров, которые начинали сниматься еще в детстве.
Остаться на вершине в Голливуде удаётся не каждому, особенно если путь начался в детстве. Одни актёры теряются из-за...

Жизнь за границей: как изменились судьбы 7 уехавших телеведущих

541

Два года назад отечественное телевидение столкнулось с беспрецедентной кадровой тектоникой — целая группа ярких и узнаваемых ведущих стремительно исчезла с экранов федеральных каналов. Эти лица долгие...

Кира Найтли, Деми Мур и другие

165

Кира Найтли на страницах журнала к выходу фильма «Пиджак», 2005. Следы динозавра, раскопанные в русле реки Палакси. Техас. США. 1952г. Самая большая женщина рядом с самым маленьким мужчиной, 1922 год....