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Garrison Keillor

I was an English major at the ...

I was an English major at the University of Minnesota, and I was very shy, which many people misinterpreted as intelligence. On the basis of that wrong impression, I became the editor of the campus literary magazine.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

I can write anywhere. I write ...

I can write anywhere. I write in airports. I write on airplanes. I've written in the back seats of taxis. I write in hotel rooms. I love hotel rooms. I just write wherever I am whenever I need to write.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

When the country goes temporar...

When the country goes temporarily to the dogs, cats must learn to be circumspect, walk on fences, sleep in trees, and have faith that all this woofing is not the last word.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

I hear a little firecracker go...

I hear a little firecracker go off when you come up with a good rhyme.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

Jesus said the meek would inhe...

Jesus said the meek would inherit the earth, but so far all we've gotten is Minnesota and North Dakota.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

The reason to retire is to try...

The reason to retire is to try to avoid embarrassment; you ought to do it before people are dropping big hints. You want to be the first to come up with the idea. You don't want to wait until you trip and fall off the stage.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

I love rhymes; I love to write...

I love rhymes; I love to write a poem about New York and rhyme 'oysters' with 'The Cloisters.' And 'The lady from Knoxville who bought her brassieres by the boxful.' I just feel a sort of small triumph.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

I think if the church put in h...

I think if the church put in half the time on covetousness that it does on lust, this would be a better world for all of us.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

A compassionate conservative i...

A compassionate conservative is someone who electrocutes juveniles but lets them have a last 'make a wish'.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

Your car, comfort though it be...

Your car, comfort though it be, this little den and dining room on wheels, is a prison that deadens your senses, and to feel wholly alive you must go for a walk.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

Humor needs to come in under c...

Humor needs to come in under cover of darkness, in disguise, and surprise people.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

Humor is not about problems wi...

Humor is not about problems with airline luggage handlers. It's about our lives in America and it's about the ends of our lives and it's about everything that happens after that and everything that happened before.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

English is the perfect languag...

English is the perfect language for preachers because it allows you to talk until you think of what to say.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

I grew up in a fundamentalist ...

I grew up in a fundamentalist protestant family that stressed that we were a select people and so we were to avoid contact with others who did not share our faith.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

There was a price to be paid f...

There was a price to be paid for being interested in fiction and in writing, pushing my family away. Books and authors became my family.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

I think that you are only obli...

I think that you are only obliged to be a humorist from the age of 18 until you turn 30. Past the age of 30 I don't think there is any obligation to be clever at all.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

When you come to expect humor ...

When you come to expect humor of people, you will never get it.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

You don't want to get that sor...

You don't want to get that sort of sound in your writing that boing that gives you away.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

A child can educate just about...

A child can educate just about anybody.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes
Garrison Keillor

My ability to keep cool in a c...

My ability to keep cool in a crisis is based entirely on not knowing all the facts.

Garrison Keillor 289 quotes

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