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Erma Bombeck

I am always behind the shopper...

I am always behind the shopper at the grocery store who has stitched her coupons in the lining of her coat and wants to talk about a 'strong' chicken she bought two weeks ago. The register tape also runs out just before her sub-total. In the public restroom, I always stand behind the teen-ager who is changing into her band uniform for a parade and doesn't emerge until she has combed the tassels on her boots, shaved her legs, and recovered her contact lens from the commode.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

I have just come up with a won...

I have just come up with a wonderful solution to end all wars. Let me give directions on how to get there.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

The term 'working mother' is r...

The term 'working mother' is redundant.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

Most mothers entering the labo...

Most mothers entering the labor market outside the home are naive. They stagger home each evening, holding mail in their teeth, the cleaning over their arm, a lamb chop defrosting under each armpit, balancing two gallons of frozen milk between their knees, and expect one of the kids to get the door.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

I didn't fear old age. I was j...

I didn't fear old age. I was just becoming increasingly aware of the fact that the only people who said old age was beautiful were usually twenty-three years old.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

There are few things in this w...

There are few things in this world more satisfying than having your son teach you how to play tennis, unless it is having a semi-truck run over your foot.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

There was a time when the resp...

There was a time when the respect and trust my children had for me would have made you sick to your stomach. They believed I could blow on a red traffic light and turn it green.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

For some unexplained reason, i...

For some unexplained reason, it's always the other end of the table that's wild and raucous, with screaming laughter and a fella who plays 'Holiday for Strings' on water glasses.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

Occasionally, once a speaker i...

Occasionally, once a speaker is on his feet, it is difficult to get him to sit down. ... If and when he returns to earth, he notices half of the room is paging the other half and a few are playing with the melted candles.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

I hated skiing or any other sp...

I hated skiing or any other sport where there was an ambulance waiting at the bottom of the hill.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

It is difficult to single out ...

It is difficult to single out one sport over another, but if I have to name one in my separation suit, it will undoubtedly be football.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

Hello there. I'm out social cl...

Hello there. I'm out social climbing, but if you leave your name and number and if you're anybody, I'll get back to you.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

For years, my husband and I ha...

For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

A small waist makes you tire e...

A small waist makes you tire easily.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

I don't think women outlive me...

I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

My idea of 'roughing it' is wh...

My idea of 'roughing it' is when you have to have an extension for your electric blanket.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

Time. It hangs heavy for the b...

Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

I lost everything in the post-...

I lost everything in the post-natal depression.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

The bad times I can handle. It...

The bad times I can handle. It's the good times that drive me crazy. When is the other shoe going going to drop?

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes
Erma Bombeck

Some say the antique syndrome ...

Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.

Erma Bombeck 410 quotes

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