Bill Maher ,quotes

'The Lorax,'...it's a mythica...

'The Lorax,'...it's a mythical, woodland creature, right, who's for saving trees. He speaks for the trees because no one else can. Kind of the way conservatives speak for fetuses.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

A new biography of Madonna ca...

A new biography of Madonna came out last week, and apparently the biography lists all the men she's slept with. The book is apparently called the Manhattan Telephone Directory.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

This is why rational people -...

This is why rational people - anti-religionists - must end their timidity and come out of their closet and assert themselves.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

That's ended, that's over. I ...

That's ended, that's over. I want you to meet my pimps. I thought, I'm a show-business ho already, so I might as well be a real ho.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

There's a new iPad out...Peop...

There's a new iPad out...People are going nuts for this thing...And, today, Mitt Romney said, 'It's a flat piece of white plastic. If you can love it, why not me?'

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

In this country, a smart lead...

In this country, a smart leader is suspect. That's just the way it is. Even George Bush's father, who was a lot smarter than the son, had to sort of prove that he wasn't that bright.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

Be out of the mainstream. I'm...

Be out of the mainstream. I'm out of the mainstream. I enjoy it, who wants to be in the mainstream?

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

We are a nation that is unenl...

We are a nation that is unenlightened because of religion. I do believe that. I think that religion stops people from thinking. I think it justifies crazies.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

I like groaning. That means t...

I like groaning. That means that you're not pandering to their already settled prejudices.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

We take one group of people a...

We take one group of people and we demonize them. Trying to turn people against our Muslim friend and neighbors.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

London. Another terrorist att...

London. Another terrorist attack and ISIS claimed credit. I am surprised because I thought we had wiped out ISIS on day one as Donald Trump said.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

It's nine months before the e...

It's nine months before the election and Bush's poll numbers have fallen to the exact level that his father's poll numbers were nine months before he lost to Bill Clinton. Today front runner John Kerry said he's not superstitious, but just to be on the safe side, he's going to start f---ing everything that moves.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

It's supposed to be a good th...

It's supposed to be a good thing that he's got this dialogue started. To me, I think, I just took away something bad from it, because, apparently he had to do this not to convince them of anything. To educate them.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

Marvel Comics announced that ...

Marvel Comics announced that the next Captain America will be black. He has the same powers as white Captain America, except he has to show I.D. when he votes.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

I don't want to start a movem...

I don't want to start a movement that mirrors religion. I don't want to create the church of the non-believers where I'm the preacher and we're all gathering together and reciting things.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

A group of Cuban Americans de...

A group of Cuban Americans denounced the Castro government as a fascist regime that monitors and scrutinized its citizens' everyday existence. And then they excused themselves to go watch Big Brother.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

Obama has had more fundraiser...

Obama has had more fundraisers than the last six presidents combined. And he's still losing in the money race!

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

I love Jesus. I just don't li...

I love Jesus. I just don't like the Christians who don't believe in what he says.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

Just because your tattoo has ...

Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass, and it translate to beef with broccoli. The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

I don't want to be a pessimis...

I don't want to be a pessimist. I'm a realist. One man's realist is another man's pessimist.

Bill Maher 10.08.2025 20:52:22

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