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Zach Braff quotes

I find it hard to believe that so many people doubt the existence of God. I mean, seriously, I'm here, so is it such a stretch to imagine that another all-powerful being could exist somewhere in the universe?

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Zach Braff quotes

I've always wanted to have kids of my own, it's just tough finding a woman I wouldn't be wasting my DNA on.

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Zach Braff quotes

Most people just aren't grateful for the lives they have, and it really saddens me. For instance, I said 'hello' to a man the other day, and he didn't even recognize me. It just really saddens me.

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Zach Braff quotes

I'm not sure when or why the tabloid angle on me was decided that I am a cad. I would have much rather it had been that I am secretly a dentist or that I love soup.

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Zach Braff quotes

You don't need an alarm clock when you sleep with 20 models a night, one of those broads'll figure out that they better make breakfast in bed or I'll kill all of them.

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Zach Braff quotes

I don't know why people were so upset with me. Prince got his own symbol. I just wanted to adopt the handicap symbol as my own so I could park in handicap spots. Deformed people should be honored to park so close to me. Meeting a celebrity like me may give them hope in their mistake of a life.

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Zach Braff quotes

At first, I didn't really care if global warming existed. But then I realized it means that less bums would freeze to death in the winter

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Zach Braff quotes

I remember once I went to go see a movie, and in front of me in line there was a little boy who looked so eager to see it, like it was Christmas morning. When he got to the ticket booth it turned out there was only one ticket left; the manager was there and wanted to give it to me instead since I was famous. That's when I knew I'd hit it big.

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Zach Braff quotes

First I took a crap on the hooker's chest, then I told her I'd pay her a thousand dollars to eat it. She was addicted to crack, so of course she did it. It was so gross, though, it made her throw up, so I said I'd pay her another thousand to lick all that up, too. She started to, but for some reason she started crying as she was doing it, saying, 'I went to college! I have a degree!' Oh man, it was hilarious. I don't know if it was technically sex because I just beat off on her face, but definitely one of my most intense orgasms.

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Zach Braff quotes

Women have the right to choose what do with their own bodies. They can take it in the cooch or in the pooper. But that's where their right to choose stops, in my opinion.

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Zach Braff quotes

A lot of people say colonialism was 'evil' or whatever, but what have they really done with Africa since we gave it back to them? I don't think it should be considered 'racist' to admit maybe ending apartheid did more harm than good in South Africa.

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Zach Braff quotes

It really is fascinating stuff, and I've picked it up on Scrubs. Memorizing lines is at least as hard as studying a text book, I mean, by this point I know about as much as most 'real' doctors.

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Zach Braff quotes

I like to think of myself as the Chris Benoit of the movie industry, capable of taking any picture and carrying it to box-office success. Take Garden State, without me that would have just been two hours of Portman doging.

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Zach Braff quotes

Prohibition didn't work, so why should emancipation work? I think we should just stick with a system that has proven to be effective.

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